Yesterday, I had the incredible honor to attend a workshop hosted by the lovely Taylor Morrison who created an insightful business from years of practice and her own self reflection, Inner Workout. Her approach to self care so resonated with me and allowed me to see how I've been caring for myself throughout this year and didn't even realize it. If only I had stopped to listen. The time I spent with her held the space for me to do just that. We reflected through a short and sweet journaling exercise toward the end of her one and half hour workshop that left me feeling strong and good about what I came to realize about myself this year. She prompted us with 2 simple questions:
When did you feel supported?
She didn't put a time frame on when I should be thinking about this -- whether I thought about how my day started or any other timeframe. As this year is coming to a close, my thoughts spanned over the last 12 months. "When did I feel supported this year? " I started writing the first things that came to mind:
When I've authentically connected to others as I'm being myself
When I've had 1:1 time with a new & trusted friend
When I have had space and time to myself to do the things I love that nurture my soul and creativity
And there was this moment when a burst of realization rose to the surface and I felt seen -- by my own self. The biggest learning for me this year and when I felt the most supported was
When I advocated for myself & my needs and when I created and upheld boundaries.
I almost jumped out of my own skin. It was ethereal to have such a moment of consciousness into my being and I didn't want it to end. I wanted to impulsively interrupt the workshop to share my finding. Instead, I tucked it away safely as we moved on to the next prompt:
When did you experience tension?
"Yikes." I thought. I did not want to go here. I was in such a high place and now I needed to think about the lows of my year? Sigh. I thought back to heartaches over the months for me personally and realized the biggest tension moments I felt were around two poignant themes:
When I've been unprepared or caught off guard
This year, in particular, has been full of moments like these. My mind sifted through the many instances that had me begging for the option to tune it all out.
Yet in this moment, I realized that I learned along the way to shift here -- that I created boundaries I needed to adapt and/or protect my needs so that I can continue to show up for myself, my family, and my community.
Whoa. As I sat with that for a moment, my mind went back to those points and as one in particular stood out, my second theme presented itself:
When I've felt criticized or personally attacked
My heart twinged as I recalled these junctures and the initial sting of the words or looks from others. A year ago I would likely have recalled these words and sink into a self-loathing pattern and label myself with ridiculing statements. This year, however, is different.
I've learned to shift my perspective and not take responsibility for others thoughts or actions.
There's been so many times in my life where I've worn the labels others have felt the need to give me and they move on. I stayed there, holding onto to those beliefs and not taking a moment to find my own. I'm so done. I get to decide who I am and how I want to spend my limited time on this earth. And so I've learned, and am continuing to learn, to listen -- not only to others as they need to get their thoughts out, but also to myself.
What are your reflections for this year? What will you be taking with you and what will you be leaving behind?